Clean Up Your Mess

BG: This contest went to hell in a bucket - a mop bucket that is. I laughed until my stomach hurt and I couldn't possibly pick winners. They're all just too good.


JustMech
When you said that I would 'really clean up' if I helped you with your next con, this wasn't what I had in mind!

cmsmith68
Locke: You call this floor clean? I want you to sit there and think about the poor job you've done.

cmsmith68
Locke: Now look what you've done! You forgot to put the Wet Floor sign up and Ben slipped and fell and now he's in a wheel chair

Goony123
"Let's get ready to ruuuumblllle! I'm referee Mills Lane, welcome to the first ever Wheelchair Boxing Match. In the red corner, weighing in at two hundred nineteen and a half pounds, from Tallahassee, Anthony "Son Tosser" Cooper! And in the blue corner, weighing in at one hundred seventy five pounds, from parts unknown, Ben "The Manipulator" Linus. Gentlemen, let's have clean fight."

wednesdayworld
Locke, to Cooper: Yes, all prisoners are allowed one phone call. Phone's by the window. Oh, and guess what floor we're on here.
Ben: My money was on a kidney recall.

TheGeoff
We don't have a code for "There's a man in the mop closet threatening his father." But maybe we should.

Lockes_Box
"Boy! the game "mouse trap" has changed quite Ben since I used to play it with my brother when I was young."

maddog2108
Locke to Cooper:
Remember you used to sing me this song? Well, NOW I get it!
Locke sings:

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue (that's me dad)
and the man on the moon (that's you Ben)
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then...

MissingPlane
" For The Love of PETE Ben!!,,if your goin to hog tie someone to a wheelchair ya gota let them have a visit to the mens room every now and then..

kharma_bites
Ben:
What now?
Locke:
What now? Let me tell you "what now?" I'm gonna call a couple a hard, pipe-hittin' ******* to go to work on the homes here, with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch.

lostieAR
Locke: What do you mean you don't know the latest theories? They are still trying to decide if the box is symbolic or realistic, and if you were manifested through Smokey. And you Ben, some fan is counting your every syllable. You guys really need to start reading the boards again.

justacoolguy36
so we got a ladder, some kegs, and a mop?
BUT WHERE THE HELL ARE THE GIRLS?!
--- ABC's newest idea for a viagra commercial

LIONARTist
Locke: "You mean to tell me, that I work my a$$ off all day, hunting boars, throwing knives, tracking others, blowing up communications stations, and I come home to find you haven't done a damn thing ALLLLL DAY?!!!! Lookit this house. It's a pigsty!!!"

ctrl_Z
Locke: I don't understand. What do you mean you want me to mop the floor with my dad?
Ben: It's a metaphor you idiot! Jeez! you take things so literally. I'm starting to wonder why the island chose you.

BulletProofBreast
Ben: *singing
Mr. Clean gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute,
Mr. Clean will clean your whole house and everything that's in it.
Mr. Clean! Mr. Clean! Mr. Clean!

Locke: Damnit I am not Mr Clean!!
Cooper: You can't clean this room, you don't have the guts, you're weak.
Locke: Don't tell me what I can't do!!!!!
*grabs the mop*

bringingSazyback
Locke: Dad, if you want to run in the annual wheelchair race of the mangoes, you have to have wheels on your chair.
Ben: Like mine, Coop, see my cool wheels?
Cooper: Well, I could ride that mop bucket
Ben: WheelCHAIR race...CHAIR....my god but you are pathetic..
Locke: Ben.....no goodsportsman conduct medal for you.
Ben:

BG:
Cooper: Well, I could ride that mop bucket...


justacoolguy36
looks like a new version of the shopping cart stunt from Jackass . . . .
Lostass
"Hi, I'm Anthony Cooper, and this is the 'little yellow mop bucket' . . . "

bringingSazyback
Locke: You complete me...
Ben: Hey! You said I complete you!
Locke: Well, you completed me yesterday and he completes me today.
Ben: I want my friendship bracelet back.
Locke: I WANT MY KIDNEY BACK!
Cooper: See what you did?

bringingSazyback
Locke: Dad? How come you've got all kinds of hair and I only have three or four strands?
Cooper: You take after your mama.
Locke: She's got all kinds of hair too.
Cooper: Just get over it already!
Locke: But James keeps calling me rude names, like Mr. Clean.
Cooper: Who's that?
Locke: I'll introduce you later.

captainaeon
Cooper--'Well, if it isn't Locke and his girlfriend Helen...'
Locke--'Helen?'
Cooper--'Yeah, Helen WHEELS, hee hee...'
Ben--'John, you didn't tell me your father was a sitcom writer. Let's show him what we do for sweeps, shall we?...'

042078
Locke: And I'm tellllllllllling you....I'm not going! You're the best dad I've ever known...there's no way I could ever go...no no no no way...

BulletProofBreast
Locke: You really need to shut up, or I'll stick this mop where the sun don't shine...
Cooper: Light shines everywhere when anyone's around you, it reflects of your HEAD you bald bastard!!

hatch_n_sniff
Dad, when you said I would clean up at the bank, I never thought it was the Dharma Sperm Bank!! Did you fill those barrells by yourself?

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Locke: You know, the whole point of playing Musical Chairs is to grab a seat before they're all occupied. If Ben is confined to one chair and Dad is tied to the other one, then just how in the hell am I supposed to have any chance of winning?

LOST_in_my_mind
Locke: I am VERY, very disappointed in you two! I leave this place for 1 hour... one hour and I come back and look what you've done! Cooper.. you didnt put the Caution sign up and he slips and ends up in a wheelchair!! May I remind you this is the SECOND time you've put someone in a wheelchair! And you..!! I have told you before that 2 wrongs DONT make a right, Ben! You had no right to tie Cooper up to a chair! My goodness.... with all this stress- no wonder I'm bald!

knockout Ned
LOCKE : "you mean to tell me that this mop bucket is the magic box? That my father came out of this mop bucket?"

JustMech
Ben: "The Island demands a sacrifice, John."
Locke: "Alright Ben, I'll do it. I'll clean up in here. But I am not wearing the French Maid's outfit!
Cooper: "Careful son, that's what I said."

llanoestacada
Locke: "I told you dad, you should have taken the blue pill."

stephvig
This is the easiest game of monkey in the middle I've ever played!!

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Locke: ::singing::

DJ's spinning (show your hands)
Let's get dirty (that's my jam)
I need that, uh, to get me off
Sweat'n til my clothes come off

Ben: That's enough, John. I know I sent you in here to torture your father, but singing Christina Aguilera songs at him? That's uncalled for, and I'm afraid I can't let you continue doing that.

Locke: Don't tell me what I can't do, esp. when I haven't even stripped down to my G-string yet.

Cooper: ::thinking:: Please, God. Kill me now.