CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Dr. Marvin Candle: "Once the board transition is complete, it is imperative that this message board be used for reading only. I repeat, this board is for reading only. Failure to comply with this rule may result in another "incident". And by "incident", I mean that the new board will appear for 15 minutes and then dissapear again because the morons at the DharmABC Inititaive don't have a clue what they're doing. I mean seriously, if these asswookies had any idea what they were doing, it would be a miracle. Wait, is that camera still rolling? We can edit that last part out, right? Sh!t!. Uhm... I mean, Namaste.
Sneaker123
"I am Dr. Marvin Candle. Behind me you see the documentation that will accompany the new ABC Lost Message Boards....."
captainaeon
...If you would like the new board to blow up, enter 77...
TheGeoff
In other news today, Mikhail Bakunin died. This is the second death for Bakunin, also known as Patchy, Cyclops, McPatchy, and Eyepatch Dude. He has worked for The Others since -- breaking news, Mikhail Bakunin is alive!
Ctrl-Z
Manual override achieved.
For a new board uplink enter 2-4.
To increase thread limit, enter 3-2.
For communication with moderators enter 3-8.
None of the above operations are functional.
If there has been an incursion of the board by noobs, enter 77.
hatch_n_sniff
Please support ,"Marvin's Kids" Telethon.
MingoLeger
It is highly recommended that you and your partner take alternating pants, in this manner you will stay fresh and alert.
Oops, wrong game!
JustMech
I'd like to speak to you for a few minutes about Enzyte, the key to natural male enhancement.
LIONARTist
Good evening. This is Fox news at nine, I'm Dr. Marvin Candle and I'm not wearing any pants
JustMech
I'm not just the President of The Artificial Limb Club for Men, I'm also a client.
MingoLeger
Marvin Candle: And now, my top 18 thoughts and questions on the board transition.
CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
"...experts have been tracking the meteor for weeks now and it appears to be headed for the downtown area. No one is sure just when the meteor will strike, but we will keep you posted when more details are available. In other news, a local man who recently won the lottery has used a portion of his winnings to purchase the Chicken Shack he once worked for. Our own Tricia Tanaka is live on location and has an exclusive interview with the restaurant's new millionaire owner...........Tricia?...........Tricia?.........Are you there?...........Hello?.............
MissingPlane
Welcome. I'm Senior Fellow Harold Kerosene Lamp. You have been exposed to thee Dharma Future. Seeing the future is a priviledge. I wish I had the priviledge of seeing the future. Maybe if had been given the priviledge of seeing the future i would be able to close my fingers on my left hand. Maybe i would actually have real fingers on my left hand. Maybe,,just MAYBE, if I Had BeenGiven The PRIVILEDGE OF SEEING THE FUTURE..I would still HAVE A REAL LEFT HAND!,,But,,I digress..You Have seen the future. It is imperative you don't loose your head over it. You really don't want a prosthetic head. We here at Dharma appreciate all the suggestions. Soon, the future will be now. When It comes, count your blessings if you still can...Namaste' !!
MingoLeger
Bad George!
I hope he doesn't transition to the new board.
hatch_n_sniff
Dr. Candle: "You want to talk about a transition, try typing with this left hand!"
MingoLeger
Dr. Candle: If we can't learn to transition together, we're gonna transition alone.
back_gammon
Marvin Candle: The boards are inoperable? That means communications are down. For "Dancing With the Stars" access enter 634-5789 and wiggle your purple sequined thong.
TheGeoff
Lost will not be seen today, so that we may bring you this special presentation sponsored by the Dharma Initiative. Our regularly scheduled programming will continue in nine months.
rememberGoodwin
....again, this project is very important. Lastly, if you do find time to leave your hatch, please visit the Dharma Initiative Store where you will find great deals and a huge selection. And you can get a free Dharma cofee mug with all purchases over 20 dollars! Thank you and namaste.
MissingPlane
Hello I'm Dr Marvin Candle,,You mite remember me from such great hits as,,Intro to the Swan Hatch,,and who can forget Intro to the Pearl Hatch?. I'm here to talk to you about The New Board. If you have no experience with the Old Board, then you won't know about what led us here at Dharma to create The New Board. There are certain " species" here ,particular to the Old Baord, that our electronic fence has been incapable of keeping out. Our New Board has all the modern technology and promises an improved security system, allowing for a much more pleaseant stay. Soon you will want to make the final commitment. We here look foward to that time when you make the final committment. Dharma Initiative requires your final committment for the betterment of all mankind. Your final committment will help Dharma Intiative in achieving its Imperative,,that is,, solving all of mankinds problems,,and ushering in an infinite era of Peace, Love and Happiness. Dharma Iniative thanks you for your patience and looks foward to the time You make the Final Committment..
UsurpSynapse
What Dr. Candle doesn't know is that we secretly replaced his regular Dharma coffee with ALS Crystals. Pretty soon his body will conduct a purge of its own. Let's observe.
ALS, brought to you by hostiles, inc.
Thank you, namaste, and GOODBYE!
talkswithhands
"Juliette you ignorant s1ut!"
wednesdayworld
This week on Lost Message Boards . . . E-V-E-R-Y T-H-I-N-G W-I-L-L C-H-A-N-G-E . . .
zenmaster5280
Communication between Raszinski and Dr. Marvin Candle has led to the Dharma Initiative’s computer policy of no outside communication (as evidenced in later film clips). For posterity, a section of their IM’ing which led to the incident:
>: You stole my Message Board!
>: Actually--Borrowed. Borrowed without permission. But with every intention of bringing it back.
>: But you didn't!
>: You'll get another one.
>: I will.
>: A better one.
>: A better one!
>: That one. [flashes the new Lost General Board’s url]
>: What one? That one? [Bookmarks new Lost General Board site to favorites]
>: Aye, that one. What say you?
>: BAWK!
LIONARTist
Marvin Candle: Hey kids, I'm Marvin Candle, and if you're like me you're worried about VD. And, I don't mean Valentine's Day. I'm talking about Venereal Disease or kids may call it: "Syph", "The Clap", and "Crotch Rot". Sayyy... Where do you suppose you get VD?
Boy 1: From hookers and doorknobs
Girl: Drinking cups and water fountains?
Boy 2: Nice people don't get VD!!
Marvin: That's all true, but, mostly, you get VD from "Doin' it" Now I'm not tellin' you not to have sex. I'm not the man comin' down on you. In fact, I WANT you to have sex, and lots of it, whether you're with a group, alone, or maybe with only one other person. Like my belt buckle says... (shows belt buckle) GO FOR IT. So, let's get the straight dope about VD......INCLUDING GENITAL HERPES, from Doctor Jeanette Littledove, a great doctor and a wonderful lover.
Dr. Littledove: Thank you, Marv.
Marvin: You're welcome, Dr. Littledove. Saaayy, Dr. Littledove, can you tell all my cool friends what are the symptoms of VD?
Dr. Littledove: Well, Marv, men may notice fiery ...penls....... painful .... penls should be...... cut off ..... as quickly as possible.
Marvin: Thank you Dr. Littledove. Saayyy... What about the ladies?
Dr. Littledove: Well, Marv, girls are different. Women's symptoms include: ....vaglna ....vaglna ....'gina......may fly.........away.
Marvin: Good information. Thank you.
Marvin Candle: Hey, let's face it, VD is pretty much everywhere you go, so at some point you're probably gonna get it.
Marvin: And when you DO get VD... OR GENITAL HERPES......What's gonna happen when you tell your parents? Do you think this might happen...
Clip:
Teen: Say dad...?
Father: Yeah, son?
Teen: This is a hard and difficult thing for me to say, but I have a strong discharge coming from my penls. Do you think it could be VD?
Father: Yes, son, I'm SURE it's VD. Honey!
Father: Frank has VD.
Mother: I'll get the penicillin.
Marvin:.....If your parents are like my parents, it'll probably go something like this...
Clip:
Teen: This is a hard and difficult thing for me to say... I have a strong discharge coming from my penls. Do you think it could be VD?
Father: AHHHHH OHHH My......OHHHHH Goodness.
....... OHHHH Goodness.....Discharge.......Penls ..... AWWW OWWWW Goodness!....... Oh my goodness!........OHH dear goodness!..........Honey!
Father: Frank has VD.
Mother: I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!!!
Father: Look what you've done, son! ..... Penls...
Mother: I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!
Father:.........Ohhhh Son!
Marvin:.......That's why it's best not to tell your parents at all. If you get VD, tell your guidance counselor. He's probably got some penicillin lyin' around from when he had VD. I know I've got mine. Keep on truckin', kids.
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