The Hills Are Alive Edition

bg: This turned into a very musical edition. Kudus to Lion!

lostieAR
Richard: And that is when I parted the Red Sea.

Rygc
Richard: All this can be yours, John...................for a kidney.....

shootingstar815
Richard: .... And then this helicopter flew over and dropped a huge supply of Dharma Botox...

shootingstar815
Richard: ..and over on that mountain is where Jacob and I invented the man purse...

darien_ambrose
Locke: Ok, so I get three wishes, right?

rememberGoodwin
Locke: so it's a movie......hmmm....The King and I!!!......ahh, Jesus Christ Superstar!!.....um......

Rygc
Come over to the dark side, John, and all this will be yours!

Rygc
I wuv you this much, Johnny! John is my hero!! Isn't he the cutest thing??

MingoLeger
Richard: I'm telling you, John, Ben's woo hoo is THIS big. Why do you find it so hard to believe?
John: Why do you find it so easy?

MingoLeger
Richard auditions for the part of Moses in the remake of the Ten Commandments.

hellolost
Richard: And then I created all this!
Locke thinking to self: I wonder why he doesn't get sweat rings under his arm. I have to ask him for some Dharma Deodorant.

radioactive_4
.... it's fun to stay at the Y........M.C.A!

darien_ambrose
Richard: I command thee to rise up and stand...you are healed! You can walk again!
Locke: Dude, didn't you guest appear on Scrubs?

General_Board
"The hiiiiiiiiills are alive, with the sound of muuuuuuuusic!!!!!"

LIONARTist
Raindrops on palm leaves and whiskers on Sawyer
Bright copper hatches and a crooked lawyer
Brown paper packages which DHARMA drops
These are a few of my favorite props.

Black colored horses and ranch flavored dressing
Rock Gods and hot bods and time that's digressing
Green birds that fly and say "Hurley" at stops
These are a few of my favorite props

Girls in white undies who swim to find cases
Junkies who snort with their nose and freebases
Silver white coconuts from the trees they will drop
These are a few of my favorite props

When the boar bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling Ben
I simply remember my favorite props
And then I feel young agaaaiiiin

LIONARTist
How do you solve a problem like Ben Linus?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Ben Linus?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Ben Linus?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with him I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
He's as flighty as a feather
He's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

LIONARTist
Richard: John, let me tell you the story of how Ben and I first met.....

(Breaks into song)

High on a hill was a lonely goat-teurd
Lay me odl lay me odl lay hee hoo
Loud was the voice of the lonely goat-teurd
Lay me odl lay me odl-oo

Folks in a town that was quite remote heard
Lay me odl lay me odl lay mee hoo
Lusty and clear from the goat-teurd's throat heard
Lay me odl lay me odl-oo

O ho lay mee odl mee o, o ho lay dee odl ay
O ho lay mee odl mee o, lay mee odl lee o lay

A prince on the bridge of a castle moat heard
Lay me odl lay me odl lay mee hoo

Men on a road with a load to tote heard
Lay me odl lay me odl-oo

Men in the midst of a choking throat heard
Lay me odl lay me odl lay mee hoo

Men drinking beer in a van remote heard
Lay me odl lay me odl-oo

One little boy in a DHARMA coat heard
Lay Me odl lay Me odl lay hee hoo

He yodeled back to the lonely goat-teurd
Lay me odl lay me odl-oo

Soon his Daddy with a gleaming boat heard
Lay me odl lay me odl lay mee hoo
What a duet for a boy and goat-teurd

Lay me odl lay me odl-oo

Ummm (ummm) . . .
Odl lay me (odl lay ee)
Odl lay mee hee (odl lay hee hee)
Odl lay me . . .

One little boy in a DHARMA coat heard

Lay meodl lay me odl lay hoo hoo

He yodeled back to the lonely goat-teurd

Lay me odl lay me odl-Hoooooooo!

042078
John: Tell me more tell me more, how much dough did he spend?

LIONARTist
John: "What do you mean....you wanna give me....the island?"
Richard: " I'm getting older, John. Even though I don't look like it. I can't live forever. Hop into my Alpertvator and I'll show you around the island, John"
John: "Alpertvator?"
Richard: "Yes. Alpervator. It can go up and down and sideways and longways...."

Richard and John enter the Alpervator

Richard:

"Come with meeee.......
and you'll be......
In a world of pure imagination
Take a look and you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin with a spin
Trav'ling in the world of my creation
What we'll see..... will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world, there's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world, there's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to beeeee...."
John: "Gee... Can Grandpa Joe come and live on the island too?"

Richard: "No. No grandpas allowed"

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Richard:
Well life on the island is never laid back
Ain't much an old island boy like me cant hack
Got everybody's files here in my sack
Thank God I'm a hostile boy

Impersonating Dharma never did me no harm
I always look young and I'm full of charm
I love to sing like this and raise my arms
Thank God I'm a hostile boy

Well I got me a tan but I wish I had a fiddle
When the suns comin up, got Dharma cakes on the griddle
Ol' Ben likes to speak in funny, funny riddles
Thank God we're some hostile boys.
John: ::thinking:: if I were wearing underwear right now, I'd throw them at him.

justacoolguy36
Richard: SIMBA!! I AM YOUR FAHTHAH!!
John: I don't think Mufasa ever said that . . .
Richard: Mufasa, Darth Vader . . . it's all James Earl Jones

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Richard: "HOOORAAAAYYYY DHARMA BEER!"

LIONARTist
Richard: "Is very seemple, John. My father, Juan Valdez would bring the coffee bean down from the mountains off Colombia on his mule Conchita, and he would pick only THE FINEST COFFEE BEANS"
John: "What the hell is he on about now?"

lockesladyluv
richard, you once had a part in magnum, pi didn't you???

MissingPlane
..thats rite John! what better place for you to get away from all those shucksters and jivers!!,, THIS IS IT!,, and it ALL could be yours for only a modest down payment of 100 thousand dollars..You got 100 thousand dollars??

MissingPlane
Okay!,,OKAY!!,,,So You were Right John!,, Big Freekin WoopDeeDoo!!! John Was Right About The Horse!! WOWLEKERS!!!

BulletProofBreast
Richard: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
Locke: that was a horrible Fonz impression!
Richard: was not!!!
Locke: shut up, eyeliner boy

zenmaster5280
Richard Alpert: "Someday Locke, you can turn all this volcanic ash into kohl pencils and liquid eyeliner. Its your destiny!"

Hide Their Keys!

lostieAR
TPTB: Man I really pictured this “I Never” scene a little differently in my head.

lostieAR
Mikhail: Looks like this week, I die of alcohol poisoning. Cheers!

darien_ambrose
Mikhail: Ahh-yes, my blinding potion worked. I'm just glad I only had half a glass.

lostieAR
Sayid: So the torturer, thief, and one-eyed man walk into the bar....
Kate: OK Sayid, that's enough, lemme have the drink.

LonesomeRain
Sayid: "Here you go Kate... OK Mikhail, set us up another Wrong Island Iced Tea."

LncshrLassinMI
Mikhail: It's Happy Hour at Patchy's Pub........can I get you another one?

LostDUI
Let us give thanks for these drinks, in Jesus' name, amen.

LIONARTist
Sayid: "Mikail....Duuuude. Duuuude, man, the shroom juice back in Iraq was never this goooood. You say you put some tree frog in the mix?"
Kate: "I am so waaasted. Look at my eyes, man"
Mikail: "HahHaHaHaHaHaHa! I see colors"
Disclaimer: This attempt at humor in no way endorces the use of drugs in any way. Thank you.

PoeFan1
Sayid: I called Jack Face first Kate, you have to drink.
Kate: No, no, no. I called it first, you have to drink.
Mikhail: 99 glasses of vodka on the wall... no wait... 99 glasses of Jack on the wall... no wait...

llanoestacada
Mikhail: "Just how does this "key swap" work?

llanoestacada
Sayid: "Drink up Shriners. This rounds on me."

slpy
Sayid: Juss keep your eyes closed Kate and imagine dis piss on ice is a lemon drop.

rememberGoodwin
Mikail is really fast. In the blink of an eye he was able to switch a drink that two people were touching. What ability will we learn next about Mikail??

LIONARTist
Sayid: "Here, Kate, you better take this. I think I'm gonna HUUUUURLEY! RAAAAAALLLLPH! BEEUUULAH!"
Kate: "Wow! You sure know a lot of people"
Sayid: "BAAAAAAAARRRRRRRT!"

lockesladyluv
kate, this does not feel like the part of you that i wish to fondle....

042078
One potato 2 potato 3 potato 4...
5 potato 6 potato 7 potato more...
Hot potaaaaaato!

justacoolguy36
ok, Kate, now taste this one . . . no peeking

LIONARTist
Kate: "Hah! I told you Sayid! You chose Pepsi over Coke again. Thank you for taking the Lost island cola challenge"

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Mikhail: Let us play a new drinking game. Every time Jack cries, we take a shot.
Sayid: ::closes eyes::Yes, I can see it now. If we play this game, we will run out of vodka within the hour. Dharma will need to drop a crate of vodka three times a day for us to keep going.
Kate: ::closes eyes::Damn it, I was just hoping for some Sex On The Beach.

Who's Your Weenie Edition

In honor of the 4th of July - beans and franks and potato salad and all that.

Bg: LOL! Missing Plane came up with 60 captions all by himself. It’s surreal.

llanoestacada
Hurley: "Dude, I saw Takeru Kobayashi's name on the passenger manifest. You might want to lay low until that, a , thing clears up."

grannieindisguise
"Myyyyyyyy baloney has a first name, it's J-A-C-K-Y!"

lostieAR
MF: Man when I asked for another raise, I didn't realize TPTB were going to get back at me with a Hurley flashback.
huntsman99
This is what I get for crying. I go from a doctor to this.

MissingPlane
..Of course!..the yellow stripe is French, mustard..

MissingPlane
...Sarah..this is what I was doin out at 2 am..

MissingPlane
..Newspaper Headline... Champion Hotdog Eater Yoshie Declines This Years Competition!

MissingPlane
.".Kate,, Kate!!,,We gotta stop livin the lie,,WE MUST go back to the Island!!"

LncshrLassinMI
Jack: "There must be some mistake.....I'm in the wrong timeline........I used to be a spinal surgeon..........doesn't anyone believe me?"

MissingPlane
..Jack set out to prove what made Locke's Horse that way..

MissingPlane
..If just one person is made happy and smiles for just one little second,,by golly!!..Okay!! I'll do it!!

slpy
Oh I wish I were a Dharma Mayer ******....

MissingPlane
......................" To BE!.. or Not To Be! That is the question!"......
Matt's foray into Summer Stock At Coney Island wasn't quite what he expected it to be.

MissingPlane
..." You may be the Chief of Surgery,,but,,you have no idea what I've been thru,,I can do This! I Want to operate on that woman!!

BulletProofBreast
Jack: Now when I cry it looks really wrong coming from this end of the costume

MissingPlane
..Hey! HEY!! Wheres everyone GOIN!!?? You all ARE Forgettin , Live TOGETHER,, or Die Alone!!!

MissingPlane
..yeaa,, I've been to Phukett Island...How can you tell?

slpy
Last time on Lost....
Ben: The Magic Box is where what ever you wish for can happen...[/i
Jack: Ok, who let Hurley in the box?
Kate: Sorry Jack, it was me, I wished for a huge....

MissingPlane
Kate!! I TOLD you not to come back for me!!!

MissingPlane
...Yes Julie.. with those cantalopes,, you definetly are one of us..Now lets go make picnic together..

MissingPlane
..Well Shoot!!..Ben said President Bush was re-elected,, and and Superman died, and heck, The red sox won the world series,, so.. I'm READY!!..Ready to go back to the real world!!

MissingPlane
..Sooo John!, Just WHAT makes you so sure this Island has a Purpose!!??

MissingPlane
Kate,,i did it..because..I love you...

MissingPlane
..." Sawyer,,its with Me !,, and if anybody has any problems with that..you're gonna have to deal with me first!!"

MissingPlane
Desmond..." Aaah Jack,, I have these flashes,,and aah..see your future or " a " future,,,and ahh.. nooo.. your's doesn't quite work like that....nooo"

MissingPlane
...Christian; " Well Son !..You proved me wrong,, Congrats!! You Do Have what it Takes!!

Bincoris
If just one child looks up to me and decides to be a hotdog than it's all worth it!
Kate don't make me cry my mustard will run.

MissingPlane
..Okay..so what if I spent a week with the Others,,what?..what are you looking at?

MissingPlane
..So what happened to Nicki and Paulo?.........What??...Didin't, didn't Artz tell you all about the spiders?,,the Horse spiders and the Bird spiders and the Paralyzing Spiders and the Hot Dog spiders and the...

MissingPlane
...uuummm..sorry guys,,but it appears to be a side effect of all that EMP..Oh Look! Kate just turned into a bowl of green jello and marshmellows!

MissingPlane
..She tricked ME!!! She must of put something in that Tattoo ink!!!

rememberGoodwin
Hurley was starting to get a little distressed. His dreams were occuring much more often, and getting much more intense.

MissingPlane
Hurley:.." Dude!..I gotta Van,,and alls you'd have to do is lay on top of it and we'd be just like...Oh! Hi Dave!

MissingPlane
Ana Lucia:.."Michael you sob!!,,I take it back,, I really ain't done with these guns.. "

MissingPlane
Kate:..." I knew IT!!.. I knew I tasted hotdog and mustard when I kissed You!!!

gretchielost
I don't like MUSTARD. Nobody told me that I'd have to wear MUSTARD.

MissingPlane
Ben:.." Now Jack,, consider this carefully,,I'll give you kosher pickle and onions,,if you operate on me..Deal?"

MissingPlane
Locke.."Dam!! I gotta cut out the head goo! "
Charlie,," Yeppers!! Time to toss the heroin in the ocean!!"

Bincoris
Hey you know what they say about a big hotdog.....
A big bun!

MissingPlane
Jack.. " don't worry Claire,, its only passed to the male genes...
Claire:,," MY BAAAAAAAABEEE!!!"

MissingPlane
SUN:...' For that,, i mite have taken a pearl necklace!"
Jin.."What you say?,,Say that in Korean please!"

Iheartlocke
"Bring it on home to Omelettevlle....er...I mean, Schneidersville....- Hey, if Justin Timberlake can do it...."

MissingPlane
Vincent:...Fack you Yoshie!! This one is ALL mine !! slurp!

Iheartlocke
"I said I wished for a hamburger! Stupid magic box."

MissingPlane
Smokie.." Hey!! Whats going on here??..Theres only ONE Smokie on this Island ,,and Its ME!!"

MissingPlane
Tree Frog..." Holy Crap! I don't know my own Strength!! "..

MissingPlane
Dharma Shark:..." and I just chose to go Kosher!! Dammm!!"

MissingPlane
Mama Leoni:.." GET THAT GOD DAMNED THING OUTTA MY RESTURANT!!"

Iheartlocke
"How do you make a hot dog stand?
You steal it's chair!"

" Thanks very much folks, I'm here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitresses."

MissingPlane
Tom..."Hi!!...slurp.. BTW,, my name is Tom.."

slpy
Wow missing, you have a wild imagination (a lot).

MissingPlane
Julie,",Jaaaaack...we know all about you.. Trust me,, its all rite here in front of me..except.. except for one little detail seems to be missing.."

MissingPlane
Naomi:..".Uumm.. Is There somebody else I should give this phone to incase I don't make it??"

MissingPlane
Penelope:...No!,,I'm not going that way.. No,, theres no room in the van..Just no! Okay!!

MissingPlane
Mikal..."There is Nothing you could do to make me talk,, I am Russian! I have been in Wars ..I have..Wait, what is this? Okay..I was born in small village outside of Plansk,,,"

MissingPlane
Sayid:... My god,, what have they done to you? I must know.. I must know how they did this to you!!

MissingPlane
President Bush:."..I'd like now, to introduce to you all,, my next nominee to the Supreme Court.."

MissingPlane
General Admiral: WE have finally caught Osama!! We have him rite here, just as he was, trying to sneek across the Pakistan border!!

slpy
This is kind of like "How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?" joke.

MissingPlane
Hillary:..No!.. if nominated and if elected,, I will be my own President..

islandparachute
It's a clue!: They're on Coney Island.

MissingPlane
Headline:..Male Domination At Paris Fashion Show...

MissingPlane
Sheriff:..I don't need no Chinese to see it!!,,no sirree!

MissingPlane
Little Olde Lady In The Antique Shoppe:...Aaah..just don't wear any red shoes,,you'll be fine,,Okay!!

MissingPlane
Jacob..." WTF???...Okay!! You Win!.. I Lose!... I can't compete against that!!..I'M outta here!!!

MissingPlane
..Once Again Jack Triumphs Over Sawyer at The Island Costume Ball....

MissingPlane
Old Man Widmore..." Ooooww,,perhaps I'd better lay off on that MacCutcheon.."

MissingPlane
Dreamy:,,,Yea,, so when you're in Louisianna,,stop on by!

MissingPlane
Cappy:..."Hey' didn't I see you at the ball game last nite?"

MissingPlane
MEL:..." yea..well..just don't forget what happened to the Milk Shake Guy on Reno!!"

MissingPlane
George:.."go ahead,, i'll eat anything..."

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Before Dr. Marvin Candle joined the Dharma Initiative, he held many odd jobs. In his first ever flashback episode, Dr. Candle remembers his first job working as an announcer at Coney Island:
Takeru Kobayashi: Silly Americans! They got tired of me winning the hot dog eating contest every year, so they've apparently decided to make me eat 6 foot hot dogs to even the odds! I'll teach them to mess with me, I accept this challenge!
Marvin Candle: Kabayashi! NO! That's just the mascot! It is imperative that you do not eat him! NNNOOOOOOOOOO!.................Damn it, it looks like have another incident.

hatch_n_sniff
"No......no onions.....I'll cry"

captainaeon
LOL! Jack is a giant weeny!

rememberGoodwin
The dreams kept happening, night after night. Hurley started to wonder if he had a crush on Jack, or if he was just really hungry. Too bad Libby's dead, he thought, I could really use a psychologist about now.

LIONARTist
Jack: "Sure, the costume fits just fine. But I thought the yellow streak was supposed to go in the back"

LIONARTist
Jack: "Okay, I'll go with Colonel Mustard, in the Hatch, with the Spatula. Am I right? Did I win the Clugh game?"

LIONARTist
Jack: "Well, Ben, I thought....um.....you know, when you said you were going to GRILL me, well....I pictured, you know, alot of questions and torture"

LIONARTist
Locke: "Jack, I said you needed to make yourself AN ETHAN disguise, so you could infiltrate the Others. NOT A NATHAN'S disguise"

Ctrl-Z
Jack: "Who knew missing plane could have 63 captions about this?"

The_Victims
Jack: ASK ME ABOUT MY WEEINNNERRRRR!!!!

hatch_n_sniff
"Jack gives us the Full Monty."

Sawyers_Sidekick
Hot Digidy Dog!!

LonesomeRain
This is a promo shot
Original name for Thru the Looking Glass episode: WACKIKI WABBIT -
Locke appears as Bugs Bunny - Yelling from gang plank to ship: "Bon Voyage, good bye, don't forget to write"
Jack is hotdog
Hurley is Hamburger
They are left beind on island
they go running off into sunset...

hatch_n_sniff
Des: "I'll do what I can for ya Jackie, but sooner or later you're going to be eaten alive brotha."

darien_ambrose
1) I plump when you cook me.
2) I'm the hot dog, Juliets' the bun.
3) Yeah, that's right..I'm a foot-long wiener!

darien_ambrose
Did you just squirt mustard on me? Or are you just happy to see me?

llanoestacada
Sawyer: "Well there'se Doctor Giggles."
Jack: "Eat me."

captainaeon
Guess no one told Jack Kate's a vegetarian!

llanoestacada
Jack to Hurley: "You left WHAT in the other teleporter?"

MissingPlane
Kate:..." I knew IT!!.. I knew I tasted hotdog and mustard when I kissed You!!!

MissingPlane
And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, Ill say it clear,
Ill state my case, of which Im certain.

Ive lived a life thats full.
Ive traveled each and evry highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, Ive had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried.
Ive had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Power Nap Edition

lostieAR
Locke: I sure could use a black smoke about right now.

General_Board
Jack: Did the earth just move for you too?
Locke: Nah. I just blew up another hatch.

LostDUI
He may like to blow up everything, but at least he spoons.

darien_ambrose
Locke: Now I know what you mean Jack when you say, *live together/die alone*.

darien_ambrose
Locke: My father stoled my kidney, but you Jack, you stoled my heart.

talkswithhands
Locke: Now I know what they mean by coyote ugly! I am willing to gnaw off my own arm before I wake him up.

llanoestacada
Jack: "Those aren't pillows!"

talkswithhands
Locke: We both know...we're around each other an'...this thing, it grabs hold of us again...in the wrong place...at the wrong time...and we're dead.
Jack: I am so tired of you tellin' me about the purge.

llanoestacada
Jack: "Hey, it happened."
Locke: "So, what do we do now?"
Jack: "It's time to come out of the hatch."

captainaeon
Locke--'I've never done that before...'
Jack--'Hey, baby, once you go Jack, you never go back!'

Action_Potential
Spoiler: Season 4 episode 1 title revealed:
"Through the Brokeback hatch."

huntsman99
Next time we have a roll in the hay. Let's NOT make it in the hay.

Iheartlocke
Locke: You see that, Jack? A quick romp and a few whispers in the jungle, and then our people turn on us and throw us in the Dharma Pit.

radioactive_4
"I wish I could quit you."

hatch_n_sniff
Jack: " I would have found your hatch sooner if you would have told me it was so close to those two boulders."

Iheartlocke
Breathless Jack: This explains so much...the tension between us, the constant arguing...
Locke: Right you are, Jack. Can I just have my hand back?
Jack: Only if you stop calling me Helen in the sack!

Lockes_Box
Locke: "Every single second of my pathetic little life is as useless as that button!"
Jack: "whew! But you sure do know how to press my buttons, John."

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Locke: I may not have seen Jacob, but I'm pretty sure I just saw God.

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Locke: I hope you've learned your lesson, Jack. I told you not to tell me who I can't do.

NiceGuy Eddie
Locke:
"See, Jack, You're missing the whole point...
of me saying I'm thirsty. When I said I was thirsty, it doesn't mean I want a glass of water. If I have a problem, you're not supposed to solve it. You always make the mistake of thinking you can solve someone's problem. It makes you feel omnipotent. See, if I'm thirsty, I don't want
a glass of water. I want you to sympathize. I want you to say, 'John, I too know what it feels like to be thirsty.'"

Big_So_and_So
Locke: I'm sorry Jack...I thought you were that wild sow I've been chasing through the woods.
Jack: Oink! Oink!

NiceGuy Eddie
Jack: Wow. That was...*wow*. I mean...*WOW!*.
John: It just came to me.
Jack: I... I've never in my life have... have I.... What was that?
John: You mean in the end?
Jack: Uh-huh...
John: A counter-clockwise swirl.

Iheartlocke
John: I caused the plane to crash, Jack. I was hoping the Dharma Initiative could do the operation and seperate us at last. I'm sick of being a Siamese twin. People think we're freaks.
Jack: The correct term is 'co-joined', John. Don't you remember that from medical school?

042078
Willie Nelson comes out of the brush, guitar in hand...
"cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other..."

042078
"He lays among us...but he is not one of us"

captainaeon
Jocke...

captainaeon
Locke--'It's nice to know I'm not the only one on the island who wears ladies' undergarments...'
Jack--(giggles like a little girl)

hatch_n_sniff
Damon and Carlton: Wake those two bums up,
we're getting set to film season four!!!!!!

LeighB04
Jocke: It moved.

justacoolguy36
are you sure you dont have a little doctor in you?
. . . . would you like to?

silverhalo1217
"You're right. It was much hotter when it was Kate & Juliet in the mud."

zenmaster5280
Unable to find prozac in the med stash to help Locke cope, Jack prescribes Spooning with Strangers, with the precaution "No humPing allowed."

BulletProofBreast
Locke: Did we just...?
Jack: Yeah.
Locke: You and I...we....
Jack: Yeah.
Locke: ...we must be cowboys cuz we have huge...daddy issues!
Jack: Hey, you called ME daddy...

justacoolguy36
Jack: and this is the scene where the two headed opera singer dies . . .
Jack always did want to write his own play

BulletProofBreast
Jack: we still need one more person to act out the three headed knight bit from The Holy Grail!!
Locke: I'm not THAT big a geek.

What Kate Cooked Edition

LIONARTist
"Hey Mike, tell Greg, Marcia, Jan, Peter, Bobby and Cindy to get washed up. Tell Alice to make sure the house is clean. I'm bringing a guest home for dinner. Yep. Uh-huh...his name is Charlie. If Marcia liked Davy Jones, then she'll Loo-ove Charlie. And, Mike, I hope you won't be mad but I've dyed my hair. I'm a brunette now....."

LIONARTist
"....oh, and Mike, I've taken some steroids. So Wesson oil night is going to be even more fun now. I've got Wesson-ality"

MissingPlane
...Hello...Jack?..What?..so what if he died..I don't even know who he is..and who are you and how do you know me?..what Island?...What are you talking about?..The Future?....Yea rite,,you must be on drugs!!..Good bye!..what!! How did you know my last name? What the hell is goin on here?

grannieindisguise
Sarah Connor does Taco Night.
(look at those deltoids!)

silverhalo1217
"thanks for calling Livelinks."

Iheartlocke
What? I'm just down at the local Stepford market with all the other wives....why?

Iheartlocke
"John, we've talked about this. I like you and I've enjoyed talking with you these past few months. I'm not allowed to meet customers. ....John, if we talk any longer, I'm going to have to charge you for another hour. That's another 89.95.....I can't go on a trip with you, John!! This isn't normal. Maybe you should find a therapist! Stop calling me Helen!!!"

talkswithhands
Please can you explain it one more time....is it chicken or is it fish? I mean, it says "Chicken of the Sea..."

MissingPlane
Hello..Hi!..Oh just enjoying the reflection of my muscles off the freezer doors..god I'm HOT!

huntsman99
I know Hurley's coming to dinner. I finally found a store that carries Dharma ranch dressing.

MissingPlane
" Yea,,then he asked me if anybody ever told me I looked like Evangeline Lilly, and I said, Who?..hehehehe,,then he asked if I ever watched Lost,,and I said,,What?,,hahahaha,,but he was sooo Hoooot!!

FrontRowFlurry
OMG......you'll never believe this .............they have brands they are NOT dharma ......... yipee

MissingPlane
..Hello..Hi Dear..yea, shopping...I was thinking,,naa..naaa..no, i was thinking,,,no,,no dear,,Listen how many times do I have to tell you..I DON'T DO TACOS!!"

Essence_Of_Holifyre
I have $10 on the fact that Locke is a GunSlinger.

rememberGoodwin
Voice on the phone: Hey, Evie, Carlton here. I know you're out running errands, just wanted to let you know that in season 4 we need to bump up the romantic stuuf, so you'll be rolling around half naked with Josh a lot. And maybe Matt too. And maybe an affair with Daniel. Making out with all these guys won't be a problem, will it?

MissingPlane
Voice on The Store's Intercom..".Evangeline Lilly in aisle 5..Evangeline LILLY IN AISLE 5!!,,OMG OMG EVANGELINE LILLY IN AISLE 5!!!!"
Evie.."Hello Carlton..You didn't tell me it was goin to be like this.."

not_onboard
Voice on phone: Sweetie, don't forget the dynomite!

back_gammon
Kate: What? No way! I have to cook?! I thought the Iron Chef was a body-building contest?!

captainaeon
...Today's Iron Chef secret ingredient...
WILD BOAR!!!

LIONARTist
Kate: "Listen, all I am saying is....give peas a chance"

captainaeon
Kate--'You know those annoying people who walk around the supermaket talking on their cell phones? Now I'm one of them!'

hatch_n_sniff
Kate: "This is great!!! Since I've been cooking for Hurley, my fuel perks are at 75 cents a gallon."

LostinLost111
im naked under my clothes and you dont get to see it, na na na na boo boo...and i got bananas, na na na na boo boo...

Action_Potential
Phone Voice: "Do you like scary movies Kate?"
Kate: "Ben, is that you???"

Action_Potential
Phone Voice: I have your pregnancy report here, and guess what? You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news.
Kate: Who is this?
Phone Voice: This is Dr. Chim.... Dr. Chim Richalds.
Kate: Jack, is this you?
Jack: I'm a professional doctor. You saw me. You don't remember? We... you should move. Get out of the business.
Kate: This is pathetic.
Jack: You're pathetic.

llanoestacada
Kate: "You don't think I got these guns eatn' sprouts and tofu, do ya?"

llanoestacada
Kate: "Honey, what isle did you say the HGH is on?"

MingoLeger
Kate: Burning houses? Letting your husband die? Sleeping with the lawn boy? Is that the best you guys can come up with? Let me tell you what I'VE done lately, then we will see who is the Queen of Wisteria Lane!

hatch_n_sniff
"Yes, this is Samantha Stevens. Who did I like best? Definitely the old Darren."

gretchielost
Kate: Greg, stop telling Bobby to shut up. That is a bad thing to say.
*a Very Lost Brady Movie*

darien_ambrose
*Thinks to herself: hmm, raw spinach really pumps up my guns*
*Then speaks into phone: Rachel? ...uh, yeah...I'm just calling to let you know that you and Giada better look out..Food Network here I come!*

Black Patch Down...Again

Patchy's theme song by Chumbawamba.

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You’re never gonna keep me down

He drinks a whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times

Oh, Danny boy
Danny boy
Danny boy

hatch_n_sniff
LOST Magic Bullet Theory

Kate shoots point-blank at Patchy. Bullet enters right eye socket at 45 degree angle and exits head at 110 degree angle and strikes Sayid who is standing in a grassy hole.

zenmaster5280
Locke: For the last time Mikhail, what happened to your other eye?!?

Mikhail: Richard was showing me how to apply eyeliner, when his hand slipped and the eyeliner pencil.....we called it the "incident."

AskMech
"It would be much more intimidating if I could actually see what you are pointing at me."

Iheartlocke
Heehee
"When a Christmas Story goes wrong"
We now know what happened to little Raphie "Patchy" Parker.

talkswithhands
Kate chanting: "you'll shoot your eye out, you'll shoot your eye out-- oh wait, you already did- my bad." And then she giggles.

Mikhail thinking, "Like I haven't heard that before."

WeatherRock
I already said hello to your little friend.

MingoLeger
Sayid: Damn, I wanted to look up Kate's dress!

nmb1blonde
So it was a pistol in your pocket. I was hoping you were just happy to see me.

NiceGuy Eddie
Sayid: "I am not through with you yet, hillbilly boy, I am going to get medieval on your ***."

planetterror
Sayid: "...and I also want your balls."

llanoestacada
"I know what you're thinking, punk........"

BenIHateYou
I said right hand yellow, left foot red!!!!!

Rygc
When I say your weapon should be clean, I mean clean! Does this look clean to you, Patchy. 'You are shaming me, your momma and your country!' (love that commercial)

rememberGoodwin
Not only can Mikail come back from the dead, he can also use telepathy - or telepatchy - to cause injuries to others. You cannot sneak up on Mikail. He will 'see' you.

lockesladyluv
i love it when kate wears a dress....

hatch_n_sniff
Mikail: " Juding by the size of your camel toe, you must have quite a hump Kate."

Texashummingbird
P!ssing the night away
P!ssing the night away....

042078
Bring out the gimp!

Sawyers_Sidekick
Mikhail: Nope, my other eye isn't down the barrell of your gun..

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
Mikhail: Why are you going to kill me John? It's not my fault you can't beat the damn chess game.

CheckieEatsOrganicPoptarts
I was fourty-five and he was fourty-six,
He said the horse was constipated and it was sick.
He wore khakis and I wore a patch,
He found me living in the Flame Hatch.

Bang bang, Locke shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, John Locke shot me down.